Face it til you make it?

As a follow up to this #flipthescript post last week, I've been thinking about: “𝗙𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 ‘𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁” 🤔 ➡️

It just doesn’t work for me. Instead of empowering, I feel like an imposter – after all, “fake” is literally in the prompt! Instead, what I’ve found helpful is this little tweak: “𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲 it ‘til you make it”. The swap of this one little letter helps me remember that I can 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝘆 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 

“But aren’t I already competent???” Maybe. Instead of glossing over whatever is at the root of requiring a pithy prompt as a strategy, I’ve found it more productive to suss out the issue and solve for that 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵 aka “faking” it. For example, if I’m nervous about an upcoming meeting, I’ll do online research or phone a friend or colleague to learn more about who might be in the room, what’s important to them and their preferred communication styles. If I’m feeling unsure about the substance of the meeting, I’ll prep and practice likely q & a taking literal note of what feels like I have to “fake” it and then either do more research and/or craft a respectable response until it feels – gasp – authentic e.g. the opposite of fake! (BTW - sometimes that “respectable” response is, “I honestly don’t know. That’s not something I’ve ‘held the pen’ on in the past, but I’d like to learn more!” or, “I don’t know. I’m happy to get back to you about that.”) 

Beyond my own experience, I’ve noticed a particular trend when I share this perspective with founders who are women, people of color, and those whose natural style is the opposite of the “move fast and break things” persona: in contrast to the original advice which has felt like having to puff up one’s chest, this perspective causes our shoulders to come down. Ahhh. “You mean I can be myself?” Yes, it’s better! And, further, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 “𝗳𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 ‘𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁” 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 – 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝘀. (We are already facing bias expressed as a perceived lack of credibility, why add to it?!) 

Famed hostage negotiator-turned-business advisor Chris Voss says, “𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗰𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘄𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.”. So, in short, I prepare; I “face” it until I make it. 

How about you?